The Value of Fathers

A couple of months ago Heather spoke on mother’s day about the value of women, where she quite rightly recognised the value that women have in society and in the church. So to compliment what she spoke that day, I want to talk about the value and importance of men, and specifically of fathers.

When we’re talking about the importance of each individual sex,  we need to remember that it is not an either or thing. It’s not that one sex is important at the expense of the other. Both sexes are vitally important with such important roles to play. We want to see both men and women fulfilling who they are called to be. We want to see both these roles being who they should be in our society.
We can see right back in the beginning of creation, God said, 

Genesis 2:18 (NLT) Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

Both men and women are made just right for each other, to support each other and increase each other, not to try and outdo or belittle one another. Society sometimes talks about the battle of sexes, as if it’s a competition or one sex over the other, but this is not God’s design. It is not the battle of the sexes but rather the complimentary nature of the sexes. When the purpose of either women or men is attacked or put down, then we all lose.

So today, as we look at the importance of men and fathers in society, it’s not to diminish the role of women, but so that we can all be lifted up and fulfil who we are in Christ.

Biblical pattern of fatherhood

Fatherhood is modelled all throughout the Bible. God Himself is called the Father. He first uses this title in Deuteronomy when talking to the Israelites, where He explaining that He is their Father, and they are His children. God is subsequently referred to as “Father” throughout the Old and New Testaments. By using this title, the Bible simultaneously establishes the character of God, and also the role of a father.

By referring to God as the Father the Bible shows that fatherhood is a position of authority. When Jesus taught us to pray, He taught us firstly to acknowledge God as our Father In doing so, we recognise the authority that He has over us and that the position of father carries.

Because it is a position of authority, like all positions of authority, it carries with it a weight responsibility for those under our care. It’s important to understand how Biblical and Kingdom authority works. Authority in the Kingdom of God is never so we can dominate or control or be served by others. It’s not so we can boss other people around. No. God assigns positions of authority so that they can be used to do good for those under their care, so that we can serve.

Jesus is the highest authority, the King of Kings, and yet He came to serve, to take the lowest place and to look after others.It is always the case in the Kingdom of God that the greater authority we have, the greater a servant we are.

So the authority that God has as a Father, and we in turn have as earthly fathers, is so that we can look after those for whom we have responsibility. It is a place of authority so that that we can serve our families, so that we can do good.

And God shows us what it is to be a good father. He provides for and protects his children. He teaches us, guides us and leads us on the right path. He also corrects and disciplines us, because correct discipline is a part of love.

Hebrews 12:6 (NLT) For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child

Being corrected, having proper boundaries put around us and telling us when we are wrong is all part of the work of a loving father. It is an increasingly common mistake to think that removing parental discipline is love.

In the school I used to work in in a children’s home, the children there had never had any boundaries their whole life, and they were completely wild, unable to function on even on a basic level. When they were young they had never heard the word “no,” and so were unable to deal with it on any level when they became teenagers.

We need God’s discipline and His correction. We will never mature in Him unless He disciplines us. Correct discipline is part of God’s love, but it is done out of love, not out of control or anger, but only with concern for the child.

Responsibility of fatherhood

Because of its importance, and its position of authority, it puts a great deal of responsibility upon us as fathers and men. God calls us to love and look after our families like He does.

Ephesians 5:25 (NLT) For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her

What a responsibility it is to be a husband. We are called to love our wives, and in turn our children to the same level that Jesus loved the church. He gave His life for the church, He died to serve it. This is what it means to be a good husband and father, or indeed to be in any position of authority in God. The responsibility we have is the responsibility to serve and to lay our lives down for those who are under our care.

But the reality is that there has always been a section of men not taking any responsibility for their family, those who leave their family when things get tough, or who are present in a family but fail to represent God’s heart in it.

I was reading about the dynamic in marriages when one of the partners gets cancer. In a marriages where a man gets cancer, the divorce rate is 2.9%, which is much lower than average, because what sort of person leaves their partner just because they’ve become ill. However, in a marriage where the woman gets cancer the divorce rate jumps to 20.8%.

The reason for this is that there’s a quite high portion of men who as soon as they realise that they are going to have to look after their wife walk away from marriage. Men often find it emotionally easier to walk away from marriage when things get tough, or when they have to be the caregiver.

So we as men are often failing to be the fathers that God calls us to be. And this is a growing problem. Alongside this,  there is an increasing lack of understanding or even confusion in society about what a good father should be. One of the reasons for that is a lack of positive role models for young men today Many young men are growing up confused about what role they have to play as a man, They’re confused about the value that they have,  because the role of a father is increasingly under attack by the world.

As society becomes increasingly secular and turns away from God’s teaching, new theories and teachings about the role of men in society become more popular. Many of these ideas rebel against God and His design and his purpose. There is increasing popularity of theories that put down heterosexual males and their role in society, teachings where men are told that they are the cause of the problems in society, not because they haven’t lived up to the role that God has assigned them, but because of an inherent believe that role that God assigned is evil. These theories are even taught in school, I know my children have been taught many things along these lines.

Many of the creators of media such as TV shows or films firmly believe such theories and are using their platform to re-educate society in their image. When I was young there was lots of shows and films that showed clear good and bad, the good guys, although sometimes flawed always overcame the bad and did the right thing. Good triumphing over evil was the basic premise behind most children’s films, TV shows and books. There was always very clear morality throughout the shows, a clear line between right and wrong, good and evil, and of what a good person should do.

If you look at many shows and films now, very few have any sort of strong or righteous portrayals of men. Very often, male roles are now the comedy character or the evil character or the weak character. Take something as simple as Peppa Pig. My kids grew up loving Peppa Pig. It’s a great show, and very well written. But the family dynamic is clear, Daddy Pig is a bit of a buffoon, and Mummy Pig is the one who really keeps it all together. And that’s only a bit of fun, only one child’s cartoon. 

Except that it isn’t just one cartoon. In almost every cartoon, child’s story or film men are written to be weak, their role is no longer needed because it’s all been superseded by women.Old stories such as sleeping beauty are now rewritten to take any heroic men out of them, because it’s now considered toxic for a man to rescue a woman.All these messages about men add up, especially if you only know about men through the media.

And the problem is this. If a child grows up without a father figure in the home, They won’t interact with adult men in nursery or primary school because they have very few male primary school teachers.Media are not showing good examples of what it is to be a man, or even worse, they are blaming heterosexual men and labelling them as a problem or even oppressors.

So where are young men seeing good role models? The answer is that many are not. If there are no positive role models then boys and young men will latch onto whatever male role model is given, no matter how toxic that may be. As a result, some are joining gangs like county drug gangs, or finding their identity as road men or other groups. We’re seeing a rise in popularity of toxic male influencers like Andrew Tate, who shows young men a twisted viewpoint of women and their relationship with them.

I know that many of you will have seen the show Adolescence. I haven’t actually seen it, but society and the government is right to be concerned about these new influences on men coming from social media. But what they are failing to understand is the reason this is happening. This rise in right wing popularity isn’t happening in a bubble, it’s happening because when basic truths, truths that God gives that we have adhered to for thousands of years are done away with, then a power vacuum exists. And this vacuum is increasingly being filled by those with extremist agendas both on the left and right wing of politics. By taking away and attacking the role that God gives to man, it leaves a power gap that is filled by the wrong people.

Someone is going to raise our children and our young men. And if it is not what is good, then it will be what is bad. The world increasingly struggles to differentiate between right and wrong, good and bad
Isaiah 5:20 (NLT) What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.

This is why the truth is such a precious commodity. And the church has custodianship of this truth, and it needs to be protected, no matter how unpopular it may become.

The consequences
​
There are real world consequences to what is happening to our fathers. Here are just some statistics about fatherless households. These statistics come from the US, but I’ll assume they are similar in the UK.

• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.
• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
• 85% of all children who show behaviour disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average.  (Center for Disease Control)
• 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average.  (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average.  (National Principals Association Report)

When we remove God’s design from our society we will see very real results, very real consequences.
So how do we change this? Change always starts with us internally. It starts with us as individuals, as a church and as the universal church.I absolutely know that there are areas where I haven’t been the best father, We need the grace of God that we can live up to what He calls us to, We need to live that truth and out of that we need to defend that truth.